Accepting Uncertainty - How to Do It

Accepting uncertainty is at the core of recovering from ROCD, relationship anxiety, and all other anxiety disorders. When a person learns how to live with uncertainty, they stop the cycle of fear from growing. Accepting uncertainty is more than an idea, though. It’s a way of life. In this blog post, I explain what it means to actually live with uncertainty. I want you, a sufferer of anxiety, to know what you’re aiming for in recovery. 

Accepting Uncertainty: What it Means

Accepting uncertainty means accepting that you don’t know what will happen when you make choices. When you accept uncertainty, you know that every choice is a risk, and you find the willingness to choose anyway. 

All of us live with uncertainty in most areas of our lives. For example, most of us ride in cars, despite how dangerous it is. We don’t stop to think, “What if the car crashes? What if my loved one is killed in an accident?” Instead, we say things like, “It will probably be fine,” or, “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” 

For whatever reason, though, those of us with anxiety get hooked into fearing certain situations or choices. For example, someone with ROCD finds it terrifying to take the risk of choosing a partner. They ask, “How do I know I’m not making a huge mistake?” They begin ruminating, trying to figure out how to know with 100% certainty that they’re making the right choice in a partner. All of their compulsions are attempts at obtaining certainty, which is the same thing as eliminating risk. 

Learning to Accept Uncertainty

When we accept uncertainty, we accept that there’s no way to make a choice without taking a risk. 

Accepting uncertainty = Living with uncertainty = Living with risk

So, the first step in learning to live with uncertainty is accepting that there’s no way to eliminate risk. Accept this at the core of your being: There’s no way to choose without taking a risk. 

The second step in learning to live with uncertainty is to practice taking risks in areas that matter to you. For example, if you have ROCD, practice making more commitments to your partner, accepting that you don’t know what will happen in your relationship. 

Part of the second step is asking yourself, “Why would I take this risk?” After all, there are plenty of risks we don’t take. We don’t drive 120mph on the freeway. We don’t play Russian roulette. We avoid these risks, and that’s fine. 

But there are some risks that are important to take. For example, if you want to be partnered in life, you’ll need to take the risk of choosing someone. You could avoid this risk, but you’d have to give up partnering. 

Another example: you could avoid the risk of getting in an accident, but you’d have to give up driving. 

Most people accept the risk of getting into an accident, since it opens their life up to driving. And most people accept the risk of choosing a partner, since it opens their life up to partnering. 

Helen Keller famously said, “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

A big part of recovery from ROCD and anxiety is learning to take risks in pursuit of something that really matters to you.

Learning to Live Courageously

Recovery from anxiety isn’t about eliminating anxiety. Recovery is about learning to live courageously. 

When we live courageously, we take steps toward what matters to us, accepting that we don’t know what will happen. 

When you accept uncertainty, you free yourself to take risks in service of what matters to you. 

Importantly, people who learn to take risks feel more confident. They’ve accumulated more wins in life, and these wins add to their sense of confidence. They’ve also made some mistakes along the way, and learned that they can handle mistakes. 

Those of us with anxiety often wait to act until we feel confident. But confidence comes after acting. Confidence is the reward of taking risks, living courageously, and accepting uncertainty. Confidence comes to those who take risks.

Accepting Uncertainty in ROCD

Accepting uncertainty in ROCD is key to successful recovery.

When someone accept uncertainty, they say things like:

• I don’t know if I’m choosing the right partner, but I’m choosing this person anyway. I choose love over fear.

• I know there might be a better fit for me out there, but I want to try and make things work with this person.

• I know that things might go horribly wrong. If that happens, I trust that I can handle it.

As I wrote earlier, there’s no way to make a choice without taking a risk. To partner with someone is to take a risk. There’s no way to do this without accepting uncertainty. This is why accepting uncertainty in ROCD is key to successfully recovering.

Meet Cameron

I help people struggling with relationship anxiety learn to live courageously and overcome ROCD. I also help anxious adults and teens learn to overcome anxiety.

I use evidence-based therapies, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), to help people learn to accept uncertainty and take risks in service of what matters to them. I meet with people in person in Oakland, CA and online throughout the state of California.

I know how scary it is to take risks. I also know how rewarding it is to learn to do so. “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”

Reach out for a free consultation to see if I’m a good fit for you.