The Inner Voice of Love: How to Navigate Anxiety

The inner voice of love is a voice that guides us through times of anxiety, despair, and confusion, reconnecting us to our courage and compass that we can trust and follow. People who develop this voice stand a greater chance of discovering the courage to move beyond their anxiety and reclaim a rich, meaningful life.

In this blog post, I discuss how to develop a supportive inner voice. I call this voice the inner voice of love because it restores our courage and reconnects us to our inner confidence. Just as we would help a loved one through a time of suffering, we can help ourselves through a loving voice.

Why You Need an Inner Voice of Love

“For recovery, the sufferer must have, deep within himself or herself, a special voice that says during any setback or dark moment, ‘It’s all right; you’ve been here before. You know the way out. You can do it again. It works, you know it works!’” (Claire Weeks, Essential Help for Your Nerves)

This is the voice that reassures and comforts. The voice that reminds you, “It’s okay that I’m feeling anxious. This feeling doesn’t mean anything,” and “It’s okay to have thoughts like this. These thoughts don’t mean anything about me as a person.”

The right inner voice can stop the runaway cycle of anxious thinking -> anxious symptoms -> anxious thinking -> anxious symptoms. The right inner voice is like an anchor, grounding you in a more accepting and relaxed way of being. It can bring you a feeling of inner peace or strength, a confidence in your ability to move through this moment without adding more fear and suffering to your life.

We all have this voice within us. This comforting voice is there to be discovered. But, if you’re not aware of this voice within you, how do you develop it?

How to Develop a Supportive Inner Voice

“to earn the right kind of inner voice, the sufferer must go through his experiences acutely enough to learn that facing, accepting, and floating do the real work.”

• Facing = Facing the thing you fear    

• Accepting = Going with what arises and not resisting, avoiding, or trying to get rid of some part of your experience    

• Floating = Going forward lightly, without tension    

Facing, accepting, and floating do the “real work” of what? Of making anxious symptoms matter less.

It’s hard to understand how powerful this approach is until you’ve seen and felt it firsthand.

When symptoms matter less to you, you stop feeding them your fear and attention. Then, like a flame without oxygen, the symptoms dwindle and sometimes even disappear.

“That voice speaks with authority and brings comfort only when it has been earned by the sufferer himself or herself, and it can be earned only by making the symptoms and experiences that torture no longer matter.”

You don’t get rid of anxiety. You move past the symptoms, beyond the symptoms, to the point that they become uninteresting. Your attention moves elsewhere (for example, you become engaged in your passions or hobbies). As a result, without your attention, these symptoms are freed to go away on their own.

When you do this repeatedly, you give yourself powerful and convincing evidence that you’re able to not just ‘manage’ your anxiety, but to live a full, satisfying life beyond it.

It’s from these experiences that an inner voice of love grows. This voice speaks from experience. “You’ve done this before. You can do it again. It works; you know it works.”

“And that’s what I mean by cure: having the right inner voice to support and lead through setbacks, through flash-moments of despair, through bewilderment. That is cure.”

How to Start

To start developing an inner voice of love, practice facing your anxiety while speaking to yourself supportively. Talk to yourself with confidence. Encourage yourself.

You must choose this voice of confidence, even if you don’t yet fully believe in it.

It takes time for seeds to bear fruit. Start planting the seeds today. Just as you cultivate a garden, begin cultivating this supportive inner voice.

Action Steps

• Notice the voice you speak to yourself with when you’re anxious. What do you tell yourself? Do you say things like, “Oh no, I’m feeling anxious again,” and “When is this going to go away?” Do you think this voice adds to the anxiety?    

• Practice facing, accepting, and floating over your symptoms. By doing this, you begin to accumulate wins. These wins help grow an inner voice of love and confidence.    

• Find phrases that you believe are supportive. For example, “I’ve got this. I can handle this.” Find words that resonate with you.    

• This takes time. Be gentle and patient with yourself, as much as possible. This is work that can benefit you for the rest of your life.    

• When you despair, don’t despair completely. Remind yourself that setbacks are temporary, and that tomorrow is another day.

Conclusion – The Inner Voice of Love

This is one of the gifts of anxiety: if we respond to it properly, we emerge on the other side a different person, better equipped for the struggles the life inevitably brings. Anxious suffering invites us to find in ourselves an inner voice of love. This is its fruit, hidden underneath its many thorns.

We develop this inner voice of love – this inner companion and guide – by facing our anxiety boldly. By facing what we fear, we discover an inner trust that can guide us through many of life’s challenges.

Meet Cameron

I help adults and teens with anxiety learn to live courageously. Recovery from anxious suffering is possible, especially if you have the right therapist. It is often rich and rewarding work.

Reach out for a free consultation to see if I’m a good fit for you.